rudyfrancisco

rudyfrancisco:

Scars

 

1.

If I could

I would nail these hands

to the edges of stars.

I would sacrifice

this body to the sky

hoping to resurrect as someone

spiteful enough

to not care this much about you.

 

2.

Staple me to a cross.

Pierce my side with a broken promise.

I will bleed all the crippled reasons

why you deserve one more chance.

 

3.

Loving you

was the last thing

I felt really good at.

 

4.

You want to know

how I got these scars?

I ripped every last piece of you

out of my smile. 

 

5.

I whispered you stardust.

6.

I spoke you into sunflowers. 

7.

I dipped my hands in forever,

touched you infinity.

Treated you as if you were

the last molecule of oxygen

inside of a gas chamber.

I was so good to you.

 

8.

You want to know

how I got these scars?

I swallowed my pride.

It clawed its way

out of my mouth. 

 

9.

I realized I was never

 really your boyfriend.

I was your hype man. 

10.

I hope your next boyfriend

gets smallpox.

10.

Yes, I said smallpox

10.

I hate you

10.

I miss you

10.

I love you

10.

I love you

10.

I love you

10.

It’s hard for me to count

when I get emotional.

10.

I heard 90% of human

interaction is nonverbal so….

 

 

 

 

10.

If I could

I would tie your arms to a daydream

and auction you off

to my fondest memories. 

I wrote this poem in

my own spinal fluid.

I put it on the backbone of a white flag

before you read it

you’ll already know I’ve given up.

I’ll keep you here.

Shackled to the most important

chapter of my life story,

pressed into the

basement of my eyelids

like liquid salvation

so I remember you beautiful.

With amazing underneath your wings

and an orchid smile.

 

You gorgeous earthquake.

 

You cracked hourglass

with sand spilling from behind your ribs.

You wasted my time.

 

How dare you linger on my lips

and then kiss me like a stuttering apology

with excuses stapled to the roof of your mouth?

 

I still remember you

like a dream  tattooed to the inner walls

of a long term memory,

but some days I wonder if you existed at all. 

 

And of course,

you want know how I got these scars. 

I’ll tell you.

I got these scars

the day I fell in love with you.

 

I landed face first

moriarty
1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

4. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

5. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

6. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

7. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

8. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

9. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

10. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

11. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

13. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

14. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

15. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

(via elauxe)

A self care list. I’ve been working on this. I promise it’s worth it.

(via sweetbloodsomalia)